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I’m having one of those days.
One of those really bad days where you just wake up angry and it never really gets any better.
I yelled at my husband about 5 minutes after waking up. And my kids began driving me crazy about 1.2 minutes after waking up. Why are they always yelling and chipper so. very. early.?
My 1 year old is screeching like a pterodactyl today; it seems to be his new method of communication. I have a headache. My daughter wants to borrow my stapler (read: use all my staples) AGAIN. Meanwhile, she still hasn’t picked up the bottle of glue she left on the ground and baby brother is about to ingest it. Again. My three year old pooped his pants. Again. And then he climbed on the table immediately after I told him not to. And then he stared at me blankly when I asked him to pick up the crayons. And then he cried big snotty tears on the stairs when I told him to go to his room for not listening and yelled “I’m going to listen!” about 25 times in a row. Somehow he doesn’t get the irony that his refusal to go to his room and his shouting about his good listening intentions means he actually is NOT listening… huh.
I wish I could have a piece of chocolate. Or a glass of wine. But I’m currently on the Whole30. And that makes me even more angry. A handful of almonds is not what I want right now. I want something terrible for me and delicious. I want to find joy in food (which is exactly the point of doing the Whole30, but that’s another blog post).
I think I might find joy in rest. I would love to curl up in bed and close my eyes. I know I got enough sleep last night, but for some reason, I feel so tired. Sometimes emotions can physically exhaust me. But these three little people won’t allow for rest. They need a snack and a drink and to have their bottoms wiped…
And I can’t even blame PMS for this insanity, because my period just came and went. Damn. But despite that fact, hormones are real and as much as we stereotype women and joke about being crazy thanks to our raging hormones, it’s truth! My hormones make me crazy; and I know when they are taking over because I can’t pull myself out of the funk I’m in when they get going.
This tornado of awfulness is now compounded by feelings of guilt. I haven’t been a good mom today. I haven’t been a nice mom today. I haven’t been a nice wife either. In fact, I’ve been pretty downright miserable to be around since 6:45 this morning. So now on top of feeling bad, I feel extra bad.
Ugh.
Being a mom is hard. Shoot, being a woman is hard. But as crappy as today is, I refuse to believe that it has to stay this way.
So now I choose to rest in my God; the only one who I know can fix it all. Because clearly I am out of my element.
I can lay my head down, if only for a moment, and pray for peace, rest and joy. Joy is something I am missing in this moment. I don’t know where it went or why I can’t find it. And even if doesn’t appear today, I know tomorrow is a new day. And perhaps when I wake up tomorrow morning, it will be there.
Take heart, friends. If your day is as miserable as mine, just remember that joy comes in the morning. Today is temporary and so is this yucky feeling. Rest in Him.
“Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.”
-Psalm 30:4-5