So much is happening in my head right… so I thought, hey, why not write about it? Even though I just had a quick Type-A moment and thought, wait! “Candid Coffee Talks” are only supposed to post on Mondays! And then I said, shut up, it’s your blog and you can do what you want. Yes, I had that whole conversation in my head.
So here we go… It’s almost time for the big move. One week from today, I will be hopping on a plane in California with my two youngins to meet my husband (who is driving) in Colorado – our new home state.
I am feeling so many emotions. Excited, nervous, sad, happy, anxious, stressed out. This must be normal, right? I’m sure anyone who’s ever made an out-of-state move before is nodding their heads in solidarity. I thank you for the kind words of reassurance you have already given me!
Truth be told, I am doing well with our decision to move. We prayed about it. We thought about it. We re-thought about it. It’s right for our family; I know it is. Every step of this journey has been quite flawless, only reassuring me that we are on the right path. I feel very clearly and strongly about that.
A new adventure and a new life awaits our family of four. And I can’t wait.
But then, there’s a lot of grieving and saying goodbye that has to happen first. Saturday will be our final goodbye party. I am fairly certain that I will be a wreck the entire day! I think about saying goodbye to friends and family and I tear up. I’ve cried while driving, I’ve cried while packing, I’ve cried while eating… it’s pathetic (but, I’m a crier, so it happens all the time).
Despite the sadness, I can’t help but stop and be thankful for how unbelievably blessed we’ve been with the relationships we’ve formed over the years.
We have an amazing family on both sides who have always been supportive, regardless of the circumstances. And we have so many close friends; most of whom I have known for 10+ years, and who have children that have now grown up with our own kids. We have become godparents to their kids, we have asked them to be godparents of ours. We have lived as a community – we have done life together; supporting one another in so many good and bad times – deaths, health scares, sicknesses, births, marriages, graduations, birthdays, holidays… The love I have experienced from them is a reflection of God’s own love.
Who wouldn’t be sad to leave something so great behind? But then I remind myself: it’s only distance. It’s not the end. There’s no reason to say goodbye forever. The older I get, the more I realize how precious my strong friendships are, and I don’t intend on letting them go anywhere. Each of my girlfriends brings something special to my life, and they each connect with a different piece of me. Some speak to the mommy in me, some will joke and laugh with me like we’re teenagers, some will dish on “The Bachelorette” with me, some will talk about sex with me (oh stop – you know you and your girlfriends do it too)… They have each been handpicked for me, of that I’m certain.
Colorado provides the opportunity for new relationships and friendships to form; and God knows we will need them. Without family and close friends nearby, we’ll need people who can support us in times of need. But new friends don’t have to replace old ones. And, though fearful (see here), I’m looking forward to the chance to form new friendships.
*Deep breath* All will be well.
Saturday will be a day for “see you soons,” not “goodbyes.”
To all my friends and family who were there when I struggled with finding myself through high school and college, when I married Bobby, when I gave birth to Mia & Lincoln, who brought us meals, who bought us gifts, who sent me encouraging words, who have READ MY BLOG, for crying out loud – I thank you, and I love you.
I am not unrealistic; I know that not all of my friendships will be able to withstand the distance. But no matter where you are, or where I am, or how much time has passed since we last spoke, we will always be connected.
A little piece of you has changed me in some way, has made me better. And I will always carry you with me.