One of the things that has always been important to my husband and myself is time away with one another. Three kids, two jobs and no family close by means life is hectic ALL THE TIME and rarely do we feel like we get a break. So once a year for the past three years, we have been able to escape for a trip together; sometimes it’s 3 days long, sometimes it’s 5.
Our last trip was to Austin, Texas at the end of December. We have started going on trips in December/January after the holiday madness ends as sort of a “Hooray! We made it through another year and all three kids are still alive!” And “Hooray! We made it through another crazy holiday retail season!” It always feels like there is plenty to celebrate.
Our trip to Austin was full of sightseeing, good food and good music. But it was also full of lessons.
So here’s what I learned on this trip:
- My hair does not do well in Texas. Hello, flatness.
- It is impossible to find jeans in long lengths anywhere downtown (I know, I checked – because I forgot to pack mine…)
- Even when you are desperate to find jeans, do not try on high-waisted 90s jeans at Urban Outfitters. You will not like what you see.
- Even if you fight with your spouse the whole time, it’s still a trip worth taking.
Did you catch that last one? Yes, we had a bit of a spat on our vacation… which is pretty much the worst thing ever when you are actually away from kids and can do anything you want and get to enjoy each other. Because when you’re arguing, you’re not enjoying each other; you’re avoiding each other and yelling at each other in a hotel room. How romantic!
I won’t even bother to tell you what the argument(s) was about, but I will tell you that it lasted for the first 2 days of our 4-day trip. On top of being angry with my husband for the actual cause of the fight, I was angry that we were wasting this time. I felt small for the things he was angry at me for. I felt certain I was right and justified for the things I was angry at him for. But I certainly didn’t feel loved or in love.
But one thing that I have always appreciated about our relationship is our consistent communication. We always talk things through and it usually doesn’t fester for long. Each of our arguments were discussed (there were two separate arguments on day one and two…) and at some point, apologies were made and we started moving toward healing. Getting over arguments is much more difficult for me emotionally and requires more time than it does for my husband. Men seem to be able to bounce back quickly, which is slightly obnoxious and unfair.
But I got there eventually – and more importantly, I got there with some time to spare before we had to go home.
Days 3 and 4 of our trip were great. We went to a Willie Nelson & Family concert at the epic Austin City Limits, we ate barbecue, we walked around the city, we took a Duck Boat tour, we found Sandra Bullock’s cute little coffee shop, we bought the kids stuffed longhorns…
Just the other day, I told my husband that I had been listening to Lucas Nelson’s album and it made me nostalgic for Austin. He said, “Is that really a trip you want to remember?” And the answer is, yes.
It had its rough patches, sure, but it also had some good. And while I still recall the fights and it makes me cringe, I am more apt to remember the fun we had. I remember feeling like a wife and not a mom. I remember feeling attractive. I remember holding his hand. I remember his arm around me. I remember buying concert t-shirts together. I remember sharing a really, really good hamburger. I remember joking and laughing and pinching each other inappropriately while we tried to distract one another during a game of shuffleboard. When you boil it down, it turns out, I mostly remember the good.
Isn’t that how it should always be in a marriage? We have so much bombarding us day after day after day. Work, kids, appointments, arguments, schedules. Sometimes there is SO MUCH bad. Arguments and anger and hurt are inevitable. But it’s choosing to bounce back each and every time and move toward healing. It’s choosing to make the best out of the time you have together. It’s about remembering and focusing on the good.
In fact… maybe it’s not about FORGETTING the bad, but remembering that as well, and knowing that in spite of it, you’re still in love with this person. Maybe it’s the bad moments and the choosing to move past them that makes the good SO GOOD. Who cares about the crappy moments? Because when we aren’t fighting, we are damn good together.
So Austin, you are a crazy, fun city. Your music is loud and your musicians are top notch. Your buildings are historic and the architecture breathtaking. Your humidity sucks the life out of my hair and you don’t sell a decent pair of jeans for a tall girl. And in the end, you’re pretty good at bringing out the romance (at some point… on, like, day 3 or 4).
