[ “dear daughter” notebook available in my shop ]
Here’s a little lesson I recently learned that I plan to relay to my daughter one day. No, it’s not really about nudity. Let me explain…
I was doing my morning devotion today (from the amazing ladies of Illustrated Faith) and it completely opened my eyes to the struggle we have as women with our beauty, acceptance, and self-esteem. Something I have struggled with and something I’m sure my daughter will, too.
It was based on the familiar story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3), after they eat from the apple (i.e. forbidden fruit) because Satan, who came to them in the form of a snake, told them, “hey guys, it’s cool, you can eat the apple” (I may be paraphrasing there).
I’ve heard this bible story a hundred times, as I’m sure most people have. And usually we focus on the moment of sin and the downfall of the world (blah, blah, blah)… but what struck me today was God’s response to these two who went against His instructions not to eat the fruit.
The bible says Adam and Eve hid from God, because they were “naked and afraid.” He said to them, “Who told you that you were naked?”
And I realized that God never intended for our outward appearance to even matter before this occurred. The fact that Adam and Eve were naked wasn’t supposed to be shameful, it was just a simple fact. We weren’t supposed to know what clothes are, or that certain parts need to covered, or that there is anything wrong with or secretive about the form He made us in. The bottom line? “Beauty” was never supposed to have anything to do with our physicality.
When I was in 5th and 6th grade, I was bullied by some of the girls in my class. Nothing too horrendous, but enough to make me suddenly feel inadequate and “uncool.” This is the first time I remember feeling like my outward appearance, my actions, how I spoke… it all mattered. People were watching and forming opinions. And who I was at that point in time wasn’t good enough. It was the beginning of a difficult period for me.
That low self esteem carried me through middle school and high school. Braces, a tall, lanky figure and a back brace thanks to scoliosis didn’t help (are you laughing as you picture me at 15? It’s ok, I am too, quite frankly). It wasn’t until college that I was on my own, away from my usual influences, sans braces and a back brace (so that helped) and finally able to start figuring out who I was. I stopped trying to “be someone” for somebody else, and just accept me. I realized that I liked myself; how I looked, and how funny I was, and that I was smart and creative. I was somebody, and that somebody was pretty good.
One day I feel like it’s pretty likely that my daughter is going to come to me, perhaps in tears, with stories of bullies or how someone made her feel like less than she deserves. And I’ll relay this bible story to her, and then we’ll talk about the lies she’s being told and I’ll ask “Who told you you were fat?” or “Who told you you weren’t smart?” or “Who told you you weren’t enough?”
Because that didn’t come from God.
He never intended for you to feel any of those things. And He doesn’t believe them either.
Here is what God believes: Ephesians 2:10 says we are a masterpiece, Psalm 139:15-16 reminds us that we are each original, 1 Peter 2:9 says that we were made for a purpose, Psalm 139:14 says that we are a new creation. He believes that we are beautiful and that we are enough.
And I’ll explain to her that as hard as it may be, she can’t and shouldn’t believe the lies of this world. Because in His eyes (and mine) she is perfect.
My girl deserves to know that she is loved and valued no matter what others say. Because, let’s face it, once she is out of my grasp she will encounter bullies and peer pressure and self-esteem-crushing moments and I won’t always be there to beat up the perpetrators like my sister did when my classmates stole my backpack and thermos in the second grade (that was awesome).
Those hard moments in the throes of puberty are inevitable. But they don’t have to define her (I wish I had realized that sooner). Because her worth can’t be found in the words or actions of others; it can only be found in Him and what He believes to be true. And I want her to have an inner confidence and a love of self that stems from that truth.
And beyond that, her physicality is not her only – or even her most important – asset. Her mind, her heart, her character, those are pretty important. Oh, and she’s ridiculously beautiful too, but that’s beside the point.
What lies are you being told? Or worse yet, what lies are you believing? Who is telling you that you are “naked”? And gosh darnit, who do they think they are? Because they have no authority.
You are beautiful and you are enough. Believe it. And tell your daughters.